I let it happen
I saw it coming and I stopped pushing it away

Stopped wiping the cobwebs off of my face

And layer after layer
Began to stick

until I didn’t look 
like me anymore

There was a face I didn’t recognize in the mirror

My bright eyes
Looked dull


And as I looked out from my

I knew I was no longer
A part

Of the world around me

Arms reaching out
But half-heartedly

I turned in
And the things that are inside

Began to speak

Heavy waves crashing over me
Drowning out the voices from the other part of life


Stay inside
That world didn’t want you anyway

And that voice became louder
A force
A shadow
The light grew dim and my eyes grew weak


But then the light
That light I knew

The light that called me
Was in here too

Here in my uncomfortable

This shroud I allowed
This smothering cover

And the light
first dim
But growing
With every prayer

From friends outside
Who see the struggle
But cannot accept this new false version

they stop to call on the Lord
For me, for me

And I can hear now
Above the waves

Clear voices like rung bells
Calling out over the seas

Awakening my sequestered soul
To a new day 
And a new hope

That I am not lost
Just hiding

And we all hide sometimes
But the cave cannot keep us forever

Even as the grave itself
has no power

Standing next to Christ.

Poem by Emily Lewis Copyright 2020

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